Week of Worst Days: I Lied to My Mom...And She Found Out!

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This story is part of a Week of Worst Days, a celebration of the amazing, wonderful readers who have been brave enough to share their struggles so that other girls could learn from them. These stories will resume after Thanksgiving weekend! I Lied to My Mom! By Carly, age 13, Ontario

One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was lying to my mom. Now, we’re not talking about a “Did you brush your teeth?” lie. Oh, no. We’re talking about a long string of lies that went on for a couple of months.

Most people who know the story think it started when I secretly got a boyfriend. But I actually think it started way back in second grade. That’s when I first started noticing boys as more than friends. For some reason, I thought my mom wouldn’t approve, and I found the whole subject way more embarrassing than it needed to be.

Growing Up Too Fast?

For the next few years, I was never as close to her as I wanted to be. I thought that if she really knew me, she would think I was trying to grow up too fast. I was sure she wouldn’t be able to love the real me. When my friends starting getting boyfriends in sixth grade, I never told her. And I definitely didn’t tell her how badly I wanted a boyfriend.

I started going out with Ryan* in seventh grade, and I was really happy. But I was also really worried about what my mom would think. I was sure that if she knew, she’d make me break up with him. Every day became a battle to keep my secret. I knew my mom also thought I was too young to have a Facebook page, but I was desperate to have one anyway. All my friends were on Facebook, so I convinced myself that she was just being unfair and trying to keep me away from them. One day when I was at my dad’s house, I used a fake name and made one.

In the beginning I was really cautious, only going on Facebook at my dad’s house. But the longer I got away with it, the more I convinced myself that I was safe, and I started using it to chat with Ryan, even when I was at my mom’s.

Mad & Miserable

At the same time, I became so paranoid that I’d accidentally give away my secrets that I talked to my mom less and less. I was sure that lying was the only way—I couldn’t tell the truth because I wouldn’t be accepted for myself.

The weird thing is that lying was actually changing me—and it was turning me into someone I didn’t like. I became so furious with my mom for not accepting me that everything she did irritated me! I was obsessed with dishonesty, lying even when I didn’t really have to. But then whenever someone would talk to me, I’d suspect they knew the truth and become all snippy and defensive. I snapped at my brother, my dad, and my mom constantly. I was scared, mad, and miserable all the time.

Then one day I accidentally left Facebook open on my iPod, and everything came crashing down. My mom saw it and confronted me. I tried to deny it, but then I broke down, and between sobs, I told her everything. She was really sad, angry, and disappointed in me for going behind her back and against her wishes, but more than anything, she was upset that I’d lied. I felt terrible about how I’d let my mom down, but strangely, mostly I just felt relieved. I was so tired of being scared and mad all the time, I felt like anything had to be better, even getting into trouble.

And I definitely did get into trouble! For a while I couldn’t stay home alone or go over to my friends’ houses, or do much of anything. But the hardest part was knowing that I’d lost my mom’s trust. For months, I didn’t even ask for much from her because I was so ashamed of what I’d done. Weirdly, though, I also felt lighter and happier than I had in a long time. My mom had made it clear that she still loved me, that she had always loved me, and that she would love me no matter what—and that made all the difference. She wasn’t even that upset that I had a boyfriend, only that I had lied about him.

Letting My Mom In

Knowing how much my mom loved me in spite of everything made me want to let her back into my life. At first, I was so used to not talking to her that I didn’t know how. But slowly I made an effort, and it felt really good to talk to her without being so guarded all the time.

I wish I had realized sooner that my mom would love me no matter what. I should have known that she would have understood my feelings about boys because she’s human, too, and a girl like me! If I had just talked to her about my feelings instead of lying, I could have saved us both a lot of hurt. But at least now I know I’ll never make those mistakes again. I caused both my mom and me way too much pain. It just wasn’t worth it.

Now, a year later, my mom and I are closer than we’ve ever been. We talk about everything, including boys, and she gives me great advice. I love my mom and I know now that she will always be there for me, no matter what.